Back when Nintendo Power was in its infancy, there was a recurring section every month called VIDEO SPOTLIGHT. This particular part of the magazine contained written letters sent in mostly by kids boasting how many games they've beaten. Sometimes they shared somewhat insightful playing tips, sharing their game knowledge and showing off how much they were real Power Players.

Appearing in issue #1, Ace Ebb and Eric Mast were among the frontiers of Power Players. Let's take on Ace Ebb first.

"Our club is called the NES Masters. We know right off who our Power Player is! His name is "Ace Ebb." He writes to Nintendo all the time telling them his accomplishments on games. His hobbies are playing Nintendo games, period. He has no pets, instead he plays Nintendo all day! He beat Metroid in three days, Tyson in five, saved Zelda in five, and finished Super Mario Bros. in five."

I remember reading this little letter back in the day, looking at the picture he decided to send, and then laughing my little ass off. His last name is Ebb. And his nickname is Ace?

"He has no pets, instead he plays Nintendo all day!"

Does this sound a tiny bit odd? What the hell does having no pets have to do with playing Nintendo all day? Are they implying that he may forget to take care of a hamster or put milk out for a cat? Does he have parents to help in the pet care department?

It's too bad Ace's age wasn't mentioned in the letter, but judging from the picture I'd say, around 10 or 12.

"He writes to Nintendo all the time telling them his accomplishments on games."

This tells us all we really need to know about Ace's personality: he is an insecure little boy looking for acknowledgements from strangers to fullfill the family void found due to my earlier thought of lacking a guardian/s to nourish him (and any pets). He has now turned into a bad ass motherfucker who plays Nintendo all day, folding his arms until they're numb. The poor boy is pursuing his search for some sort of family tie by beating every game. Ace, Nintendo can't patch up your broken childhood! It wouldn't surprise me at all if Ace, himself, wrote this letter.

Now let's magnify the picture a bit:

The gruesome owl lamp in the background! This thing has to be ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. No wonder this kid does nothing but play Nintendo if he has to look at his butt-ugly house! Just imagining what their bathroom looks like gives me the shivers. Brown owl wallpaper, perhaps?

I'm through with Acey for now. Let's head on over to the next player, Eric Mast.

"Eric Mast...Nintendo Power Player
NAME: Eric Mast
AGE: 14
FAVORITE GAMES: Metroid, Kid
Icarus, and Wizards and Warriors.
HOBBIES: Trampoline jumping, and
solving his and his friends' Nintendo
games.
PETS: One and a half cats, Suki
and Muffin. (Muffin is half mad)
SIBLINGS: One brother, Evan, and
one sister, Emily.
OTHER INTERESTS: To become a
dentist and to become a Nintendo
Game Counselor.
GOAL: To solve every existing
Nintendo game.
WHY HE IS A POWER PLAYER:
Good reflexes, good eye-hand
coordination, solves games quickly,
never forgets a map, keeps calm in
tight situations, and doesn't sweat
on the controller."

I thought Ace had problems. This Mast kid is just screwed up. I'm lost to where to even start.

"HOBBIES: Trampoline jumping.."

After reading the entire letter, honestly, I wasn't suprised he had taken the effort to mention this. Mast is a very disturbing boy who admits to having only hobbies of trampoline jumping and Nintendo playing. Also, remember, that he is 14 years old. A teenager, for that matter. My heart goes out to this basket case.

"PETS: One and a half cats, Suki and Muffin. (Muffin is half mad)"

I'm beginning to understand why the NES Masters explained how Ace doesn't have a pet; this kid has a half mad cat! What he means by half mad, only God knows, but going on my usually wild imagination shopping spree, I'm sticking to the first thing that hits me and exclaim that 14 year old Eric either tortures his feline or plays Nintendo all day, thus starving it to madness. Ace is looking like a saint.

"OTHER INTERESTS: To become a dentist and to become a Nintendo Game Counselor"

Huh, real-ly? Let us dive into Eric Mast's life as a dentist and game counselor for a day, shall we? While explaining how to get through level 8-4 in Super Mario Brothers, Eric is preforming a root canal on a patient while wearing a Power Glove. And why would a young adult possibly have a life goal of becoming a dentist? In unison with my past assumption, Mast has most definitely tortured his cat (thus making it "mad") and wishes to persue the excitement he gets when making others suffer. And, enlighten me, what is the one legal job that makes others nervousome and is torturous? Why yes, Holmes... denistry! In between playing Nintendo, jumping on trampolines, and torturing cats, Eric manages to fit into his busy schedule a letter to Nintendo Power. A very sick dog here, folks.

To the fighting! As we see in this possible re-enactment of the two Power Players and their gang meeting up: Ace has taken along what looks like an owl, but he has no pets, so it's only the stand of his lamp. On the other hand, Mast carries a whip, most certainly the same he uses to make his cats "mad."

Who would win in this power player gang war? You decide. They're both disturbingly bloodthirsty Nintendo players. May God have mercy on their souls and on the souls of their pets.