GRAPHICS SOUND CONTROL FRUSTRATION FUN FACTOR OVERALL

NES 1 Player Educational/Adventure/Platformer Where to start, where to start? I guess mentioning those famous (and quite clever) '90's anti-drug catch phrases such as "Just Say NO to Drugs!" or "Stay Smart don't Start!". I'm not sure if those ridiculously corny rhymes are supposed to keep kids off of drugs, but compared to today's anti-drug advertisements involving scrapping dog poo off of urinals and obnoxious teenagers with megaphones going after "big tobacco", I would warmly welcome a cute cartoon bear and his skateboard into my home television any day. Graphics: American Game Cartridges is the game's developer. 'Nuff said. Scenery, characters, and everything else graphical have an artificial "unlicensed" feel similar to the Color Dreams bible games. Unlicensed means bland. Recycled game backgrounds are sooo similar to levels before, you'd think Wally was on acid and is actually visiting the same place. The subway parts of the game have identical objects, backdrop, and billboards. "Billboards, you say?" Yes, AGCI felt need to remind gamers where to send those nasty letters of disapproval. In all there are three advertisements present throughout the whole game. Without talking about specific character graphics would be like a crack pipe and no powder. Character sprites consist of a bear, turtle, bird, dog, and rat nature that have little to no detail at all associated to them. The main character himself (or should that be itself?), Wally, is the model of a typical anti-drug preaching teen-ager. He has a skateboard, his hat is on backwards, and he wears sunglasses. If this bear got any groovier they'd have to arrest him on suspicion of running a prostitution business. But Bear don't get down like dat, yo. Sound: I don't know how to describe the game's sound... horrific, shitty, repetitive, annoying, awful, satanic; you decide. But, I tell you what, it's hard to pick just one since all of those adjectives greatly apply in this situation. Gameplay/Story: Again the best way to describe it is to make a comparison to other unlicensed games like Bible Adventures. The game's control is that same chunky, slow, anti-gravity movement that unlicensed platforms are notoriously hated for. Now, before going into anymore gameplay specifics, I should move along to the game's story. WB's story starts out with Wally talking with his pant less father and plain looking mother in an apple wallpaper-filled furniture less room (significant proof that both of Wally's parents are on crack). They mention something about a relative's party blah blah blah it don't matter. So blah blah blah, Wally sets off to save his friends from evil drug dealing rats to teach them all an important lesson. The bottom line: blah blah blah. During the game, you are always on a skateboard having to dodge swooping birds and jumping dogs that (for reasons unknown) try to hold you back on your drug-free adventure. The other type of levels, subway cars, consist of rat dealers that you must jump over to reach the end of the stage w/o being hit. Power-ups are at a minimum of two. One, a skateboard item, makes Wally be able to take in more hits from enemies (did I mention the game has 1-hit kills?) and move more quickly. The other item is a frisbee used to allow him the ability to shoot at enemies (violent N.A.R.C.-like anti-drug behavior #1). Now that I've basically covered the entire friggin' game in a few short paragraphs, I thought mention of the game's dialogue next would be only right. Take, for example, this one situation copied word for word out of the game: Billy Rabbit: Ricky Rat was trying to get Toby Turtle to join his gang. Billy Rabbit: He said Toby would have to take some pills. Billy Rabbit: I tried to stop them but they wouldn't let me on the subway. Wally Bear: Wait here Billy maybe I can help! Wally Bear: Taking drugs is stupid, Toby. Wally Bear: If someone doesn't like you because you don't do something, they aren't real friends. Toby Turtle: Thanks Wally, I didn't know what to do. Wally Bear: You don't have to go along with the crowd to be cool. It's okay to be yourself. Feel the love. Just feel that God-damn love. Replay: HA! Wally doesn't even know the meaning of the word "replay"! No... seriously, he doesn't. And the developers seem to be in the same predicament. There is a two player option that allows players to "take turns" ala the Super Mario Brothers way. Other than that, nobody in their right mind would ever want to honestly play this game again. Unless they're high.. yes..... on a sweet, sweet high. ......BOTTOM LINE: "Have I ripped this game game enough?!" Truthfully, from the bottom of my heart, I can answer: no. Headaches from thinking about this game for periods of time prevent me from doing anymore digs. You'd have to think: shouldn't a game with an anti-drug message be made by people not on a substance? Obviously ASCI didn't see the logic behind this when making Wally Bear and the NO Gang. I'm just glad this game idea wasn't put into the hands of the folks over at Wisdom Tree/ Color Dreams. I mean, drug-dealing rats are one thing but I'm not sure how I would react with Moses hitting the bong. Bottom line: stay the hell away from this game unless you want to invite over some crack head friends and impress them with your elite drug awareness. Just remember to fill the room with plenty of smoke and to ALWAYS say YES to EVERYTHING. -Mike