Panesian.
It is a word
that pulls the heart strings of Nintendo collectors young and
old (and makes the Nintendo collector pull something of his own).
It is a novelty brand that may be the most interesting on the
NES, seizing more time and attention over other novelties like
throwing livestock as Noah in a bible game, or taking away some
of the absurdity of an anti-drug videogame starring talking animals
on skateboards. It is the dirtying of what was once the holy recepticle
of the Princess Toadstool's divine throne, the sanctuary of youthful
innocence and wholesome fun. I speak, of course, of the downward
spiral into Nintendo's seedy red light district of poorly drawn
boobs and outlined asses.
For the Japanese
there were scores of pornographic videogames available from almost
the beginning, especially on the Famicom Disk System. As is the
case many times in imports and gaming, the rest of the world had
to settle for sloppy seconds, and only three Panesian videogames
were flown over the Pacific to give America the controller clap.
The most strikingly named Bubble Bath Babes was one such
game in the smut trilogy. It had a predecessor, though--a MILF,
if you will, released in the same year (1991), and her name was
Soap Panic.
Soap Panic
was developed (like the rest of the Panesian titles) by the genius
minds that, when they formed their diseased heads together, called
themselves Hacker International. Although there were other shameless
interactive porn companies, for example Mimi which produced five
adult titles in the Lipstick series and six other volumes
in the games called Sailor Fuku Bishoujo Zukan, Hacker
was and still remains the so-called "Pimp" of 8-bit
tits. Hacker created dozens of other porn games (some of them
featured in the article through this
link). Many of those titles made the Panesian ports in America
look like softcore PG-13 material.
One particular
game that stands out is SF Alien Battle. This game features
not only the violent rape of a young girl, but by an assaulting
alien's tentacles probing into her orifices. "Tentacle hentai"
(as it is called) is perhaps the most bizarre perverted fascination
in Japan, sometimes appearing in magna art and adult anime entertainment.
Just to show you the degree of explicitness which I speak about,
witness a couple of the game's animated cut scenes.
This particular
game also features oral sex and front and back penetration.
But Hacker
International is best know for its play-for-porn approach to gaming.
The mentioned strange alien game is actually a poker gambling
game in disguise, rewarding players with cut scenes when they
won more money. Hacker also released in its AV series a number
of strip mahjong games, even going as far as to introduce AV
Soccer (yes, a soccer game with nudity in it), as well as
the more well-known slots and poker adult videogames. What has
become to be known as Hot Slots was first released as AV
Pachi-Slot, and a slightly edited (compared to the other two)
Peek-A-Boo Poker was called AV Poker on the Famicom.
Of the three
Hacker-to-Panesian ports, the most similar is Pachi-Slot.
Hot Slots and Pachi-Slot are the same game, literally,
in every way, save for a title change and some of the text in
Japanese. The girls in both games are the same. Don't believe
me? Have a look.
Hot
Slots
|
AV-Pachi
Slot (Identical)
|
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AV Poker,
on the other hand, is a bit more primative-looking than Peek-A-Boo
Poker in terms of graphics. I mean to put emphasis on the
slightly lesser realism of the strippers. AV Poker was
developed a whole year earlier than Peek-A-Boo Poker (the
other two Famicom-to-NES adult games were all released in the
same year, '91), which might explain things. With these differences
noted, it could be said that of the three Hacker conversions to
the NES, although the changes are minimal, AV Poker seems
to stray only slightly more than AV Pachi-Slot.
And Soap
Panic compared to Bubble Bath Babes? How much of a
difference could there be between the two? Short answer: a significant
amount (more on that later).
Peek-A-Boo
Poker
|
AV
Poker (Earlier,
Slightly Less Graphical)
|
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Years later
Hacker International would also develop the erotic role playing
experience on the TurboGrafx-CD Hi-Leg Fantasy (how the
company never ceased the opportunity for those devilishly clever
puns!).
During the
Victorian era, in particular, the popularity of pornography rose
considerably. The cause of this was the repress in society and
everyday life towards sex. Despite the social mores, it is our
nature as human beings to be drawn to the taboo; or in other words,
to neglect it is to indulge it.
This is my
take on the relatively recent surge of worth in regards to Nintendo
porno in the videogame collecting world. Likewise, twenty and
thirty-some Nintendoers who once grew up repressed, pretending
they chose the Princess in Super Mario 2 because she was
somehow "better" than the other characters (but definitely
not because of the floating, flying pink number on her), fulfilling
their fantasies by perverting clean TV families of shows like
Full House. These poor animals had to previously get their
fixes using more grown-up sitcoms, like the Golden Girls,
listening diligently to the scandalous sex life of Blanche and
sighing, all the while hoping Sophia did not interrupt the saucy
bits with updates on her latest bowl movement.
Now grown
to adulthood (or just becoming taller children), defying Darwin
by carrying around their lop-sided lotus-flowers (or fire-flowers,
as it were), they were ready at last to taste the forbidden fruit
of their past desires. The day came to put their Mario Brothers
and wholesome Kirby on the shelf, and reach down under the bed
in their parents' damp basements and unearth a piece of plastic
that will unlock the mysteries of life and human existence through
poorly drawn asses and confusing pseudo-sexual puns. Boy were
they willing to pay to see that action and, as they say in Australia
(or at least the Outback Steakhouse by my way), 'ave a go at it,
mate. And pay they have, bloomin' onion and all.
My first time
with a digital woman was two years back with my purchase of Hot
Slots on the NES for around $100 and some game trades. I mentioned
back then in this article
that Panesian titles (including BBB) would easily hit $230-300
depending on condition for cart-only, or $400-500 in its much
rarer complete form. Those numbers have stayed constant to this
day.
For those
of you who do not have the money to experience ese caca en la
television, you will be aroused to know that there exists a cheaper
alternative to Bubble Bath Babes, the aforementioned Soap
Panic.
But why buy
knowing that Soap Panic for the Famicom is the same fundamental
game as BBB? For one, it is not. There are differences
between the NES and FC variations (and big ones at that, again,
I tease you, more on this later), but the elements and mechanics
that make up BBB appear the same in SP. The biggest
collecting difference comes down to the value of each game. Soap
Panic in the US is worth about a hundred to two hundred dollars
less than Bubble Bath Babes. After conferring with some
fellow collectors, the agreed upon estimate of Soap Panic
is $125-$150 loose and about $300 in complete form with manual
and box.
What would
explain the price difference? As I began the feature by saying,
porn games in Japan are a dime a dozen. They don't have to mail-ordered
through a catalog, or hidden away at an obscure rental shop. Soap
Panic is not sought after by the Japanese because a.) Hacker
games were made readily more available, therefore more common
and b.) they are able to see through its slutty make-up as a rather
forgettable puzzle title. In the United States, however, its NES
counterpart is heralded at mountaintops high by the Western adult
videogame virgin "masses" because they're about as hungry
for it as a teenager in an abstinence-taught, all-boys Catholic
high school.
Also, because
the Nintendo nerds will buy anything that is rare.
